When people ask me what makes a good manager, I often reply that a good manager stays in tune with reality. They have the ability to see what’s actually happening – not just what they wish was happening. They don’t let their beliefs about how things are (or how things should be) cloud their perception. This mindset allows them to catch mistakes, fix inefficiencies, and resolve conflicts before these issues cascade into something more destructive. The good manager isn’t blindsided by reality, but instead actively engages with it to shape a more positive future – regardless of the short-term discomfort experienced in the process.
Upon reflection, as “managers” of our own lives, everyone deals with this strange problem – that reality is optional, especially in the short-term. With our imaginations and desires so often conflicting with reality, there’s a great temptation to create a new, better world in our minds than the one we actually live in. When we do this, we experience a sort of tension between our dreams and reality. How do we go about managing this tension? Our responses tell us much about our relationships with reality, as well as the trajectories of our futures.
A mindset of embracing reality is found in almost all top performers. Take almost anyone who has achieved great success, and I will show you someone who is effective at perceiving and engaging with reality on some level. You see this all the time with effective leaders – a good leader constantly absorbs information to accurately perceive reality, then executes on the best course of action to address it. Likewise, great athletes or performers must work rigorously on improving their deficiencies to increase their standard of performance. Among these types, there are those who dream big dreams and create visions of the future in their minds. However, the successful ones don’t stop there, but instead engage with reality in order to bring their dreams into being.
What about creating worlds in our minds that are better than reality, then choosing to live in there instead? If you’re doing this, then you should realize that there are few successful people who do this, and there are few long-term benefits to doing this. If someone’s doing this, then they are in active danger of ruining their lives – falling off, and slowly fading.
If you want a brighter future, then you must engage with the reality of the present. Our dreams and imaginations can be helpful, but mostly insofar as they inform potential pathways to a brighter future. When dreaming becomes an end in and of itself, we run the risk of putting ourselves at odds with reality. The results of doing so are never pretty, and the examples of those who forsook the path of reality are many. Instead, we can find real hope by acceptance of what is, and patient work towards what could be.
Problems Awaken Us to the Truth
There’s a reality I’ve been wrestling with recently – namely, that our problems seem to be good for us. When I look back over my life, I find that the deepest meaning comes from the most difficult moments. The seasons I learn the most from are those seasons of loss or struggle, those seasons of pain where I stood for something and endured the consequences. Even when my decisions or beliefs turned out to be wrong, I still felt closer to the truth at the end of the day.
What explains this paradox? My thought is that our problems and struggles in life help us by forcing us to engage with reality. When reality comes to find us in the form of problems, we cannot hide – we must instead face reality head-on through an encounter with the truth. These encounters with harsh realities often teach us so much about both ourselves and life. We become more skilled at dealing with reality as a result, helping us to manipulate and sculpt reality into a better future for both ourselves and those around us. In this way, oddly, problems and suffering are frequently the biggest catalysts for growth in our lives. Without problems, we tend to coast into fantasies and idleness, slipping into the irrelevance of the unreal. Problems jolt us back awake and force us to engage with reality, thereby rescuing us and giving us an opportunity to forge a brighter, more awakened future.
Awash in a Sea of Ambiguity
In an effort to avoid the confrontation with reality, modern people like to stay on the fence. We live in a world of agnosticism, one in which we are quick to say what’s wrong but hesitant to say what’s right. We are so terrified of being wrong – that natural and inevitable consequence of standing for anything – that we surrender the opportunity to even find the truth just to avoid the painful confrontation with reality. Perhaps this is what a culture of social media creates, when all our gaffes and mistakes are immortalized online. As a result, we hide in the shadows, we disappear into the mist, but yet we still wonder why we are so anxious and depressed. We sit on the sidelines and watch as a select few others enter the arena of reality, wondering why our lives have no adventure, no meaning. What went wrong? Why are we always so anxious?
In contrast, the man in this arena knows exactly why he hurts, exactly why he triumphs, and exactly why he smiles with deep, bloodied, glorious satisfaction when the dust settles. He fought for something, he stood for something. Perhaps even the pain of reality’s hard lesson is a sweet and terrible blessing, for when we learn we are wrong, we become aware of the truth. Even in defeat, the one who stands for something has consolation.
Who Really Perceives Truth?
Perception is central to our relationship with reality. As human beings, we strive to do our best to have an accurate perception of reality. However, we cannot escape ourselves – our comprehension of reality will always be influenced by our perception. Reality certainly exists independently of our perceptions, yet the flavor of it that we taste is determined by who we are.
This brings us to a critical truth: if our perceptions are all affected by who we are, then who you are determines your perception of reality. In other words, to see the truth, you must become the kind of person who can actually see the truth. Your nature governs how you perceive reality. If true, this statement suggests that it’s possible to be unable to see the truth depending on who you are. In other words, to be authentically in tune with reality, one must become the kind of person who can truly perceive and accept the truth.
For example, I’ve always felt like different person when I fall in love. Things seem lighter, deeper, and more meaningful all at the same time. I perceive reality differently in that state. It’s easier to believe that everything matters, and it’s easier to see the beauty in life. To echo Elon’s quote, “I am often a fool, but especially for love.” There is something happy in this statement, that when in love, you are different – even a fool. Yet nobody would scoff at this reality; it’s almost a wistful statement of reminiscence. Who wouldn’t want to be a fool for love?
When love dies, you also become a different person. For me, while I eventually settle back into my normal emotional state, it’s hard not to believe I was a better person in love. There’s something in the foolishness that seems almost healthier. It’s as if the person not in love loses awareness of all the beauty that truly exists in reality all around them. What accounts for that loss? Did the beauty go away, or did who they are change in such a way that they are now unable to recognize and appreciate the beauty around them in the same way?
The above reality opens the door to the necessity of faith. How can you know if something is true if you are not the sort of person who can comprehend the truth? For example, either there is a God, multiple gods, or there is no god. One person sees mountains of evidence for God’s existence, another sees no evidence. What accounts for this difference in the perception of reality? In many ways, it’s the nature of the two individuals. Perhaps one is a cynic by nature, the other a rigid conformist to what they have been taught as a child. Perhaps one is rational, the other irrational. One may easily believe in the unseen; the other, maybe not. Either way, both have perceptions that are bound by the nature of who they are. Who they are dictates what they see in their search for reality.
Thus, we must have faith at times that doing the right thing will change us for the better. In our current states, we may not be able to fully appreciate and recognize all the truth, beauty, and goodness in the world. Nevertheless, we may take it on faith that striving to do the right thing in the present moment could change us in such a way as to awaken to these things. Each time we do the right thing, each time we say no to a fantasy, a distraction, or a sinful temptation, we put ourselves closer to becoming the sorts of people who can truly taste and comprehend the truth. Such a truth may encourage us on the long, arduous roads we travel where doing the hard but right thing often feels pointless. Should we continue on the road, we may become awakened to the great beauty of the truth at the center of life.
Truth is a Two-Way Street
In the end, I suppose my point is this – that the truth is a two-way street. We may ask questions of reality in search of the truth, but reality also asks questions of us.
When we can’t see the truth, we must not only consider what we are thinking about, but also who is doing the thinking. We must remember that if we allow ourselves to become corrupt, we may lose touch with reality. We may become unable to tell truth from lies, or fact from fiction. In this way, we must be careful to recognize that who we are is just as important to our understanding of reality as the actual things we think about. And finally, we must strive to become the kinds of people who can recognize truth and reality when it calls. For then, our life adventures may truly begin.
“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Where Words Increase 