Tag: Perseverence

       

 The relationship between growth and adversity is well documented throughout time. To revisit some notable expressions:

“Pain is weakness leaving the body.”
“Humans are antifragile systems.” – Nassim Nicholas Taleb
“No pain, no gain.”
“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” – Buddhist Proverb
“There is no easy path. The hard path is the only way.”

Another interesting framing of this relationship to pain comes from a quote I read the other day:

“There are two ways to destroy a man – first, give him everything he wants [no pain]. Second, take away his wife and kids [extreme pain].”

Humans are presented with a problem of tension – on the one hand, we must confront and accept pain to grow. On the other hand, too much pain threatens to break us. Our default setting is to avoid pain – a sensible option, given that there is more than enough senseless pain to go around. It is not exactly difficult to find things to be sad about, nor are painful mistakes difficult to make. The world is filled with pain – the question remains how to understand it, then what to do about it.

If anything, pain should be treated as a signal. This seems to be the first level of enlightenment concerning pain – it is informative, and it should be received as such before any positive or negative judgments about it are made. If we take discomfort as a presumed negative, we destroy the message carried by the signal. We also train a dangerous cognitive bias which presumes pain to be negative, thereby teaching us to flee from challenging opportunities for growth (and to remain blind to our vulnerabilities).

Pain is a major signal of growth. The things you are afraid of (fear is a type of pain) often betray your insecurities and flaws. The things that hurt you expose vulnerabilities. If you let pain teach you these things, you gain invaluable resources on your blind spots and weaknesses. Your teacher, Pain, uses discomfort to show you where you can and must improve. Pain also reveals the path forward, highlighting exciting and daunting challenges which, if faced and overcome, offer the possibility of great reward.

The second level of enlightenment about pain seems to be acceptance of it. While you can understand that pain is a signal of sorts, it is much more difficult to accept this reality. When something deeply hurts you or you stumble into a challenging situation, you are generally presented with a decision: accept the pain and the challenge, then meet it head on. Or, you can choose to flee from the reality of this pain and look for shortcuts around it. The first option looks like the following:

A: Difficult challenge arises at work.
B: Accept the stress of the challenge, seek to understand it.
C: Take accountability while looking for a solution.
D: Solve the problem, take away valuable lessons from the experience.

A: Your relationship deteriorates and fails.
B: Accept the pain, look for things which you could have done better.
C: Look for potential red flags that you missed as well as areas of willful blindness to your lack of compatibility with your former partner.
D: Apply these lessons as you recover and seek a new relationship.

The second option looks like the following:

A: Difficult challenge arises at work.
B: Avoid it by either ignoring it or delegating responsibility to a coworker.
C: Problem blows up, or coworker tackles challenge instead of you.
D: You get fired/company suffers due to problem, or else you fail to grow from the challenge.

A: Your relationship deteriorates and fails.
B: You refuse to accept reality, instead allowing yourself to become bitter or cynical.
C: You use coping mechanisms such as alcohol, porn, or sexual promiscuity to alleviate negative feelings.
D: You degrade yourself by becoming cynical, numb, and perpetuate a cycle of hurt and mistrust in your future relationships.

These are elementary examples, yet we often take the second option in our lives. Why? The simple answer is because it’s easy. Pain hurts, as the tautology goes. When we neglect to understand and accept pain, we miss out on opportunity, degrade ourselves, and in the end, waste time. This brings me to a passage from “The Greatest Salesman in the World” by Og Mandino. In this passage, a young man asks his wealthy master what it takes to become the greatest salesman in the world. The wealthy master replies:

“First, you must prove to me, and more importantly to yourself, that you can endure the life of the salesman for it is not an easy lot you have chosen. Truly, many times have you heard me say that the rewards are great if one succeeds but the rewards are great only because so few succeed. Many succumb to despair and fail without realizing that they already possess all the tools needed to acquire great wealth. Many others face each obstacle with fear and doubt and consider them as enemies when, in truth, these obstructions are friends and helpers. Obstacles are necessary for success because in selling, as in all careers of importance, victory comes only after many struggles and countless defeats. Yet each struggle, each defeat, sharpens your skills and strengths, your courage and your endurance, your ability and your confidence and thus each obstacle is a comrade-in-arms forcing you to become better … or quit. Each rebuff is an opportunity to move forward; turn away from them, avoid them, and you throw away your future.”

We can see from the above quote that we must fight the temptation to see fear, doubt, pain, and discomfort as “enemies” when these actually are quite necessary for our success. In fact, our success comes from how we respond to pain. This brings us to the next passage from “The Greatest Salesman in the World,” in which the dialogue continues:

“The youth nodded and made up as if to speak but the old man raised his hand and continued, “Furthermore, you are embarking on the loneliest profession in the world. Even the despised tax collectors return to their homes at sundown and the legions of Rome have a barracks to call home. But you will witness many setting suns far from all friends and loved ones. Nothing can bring the hurt of loneliness upon a man so swiftly as to pass a strange house in the dark and witness, in the lamplight from within, a family breaking evening bread together.

It is in these periods of loneliness that temptations will confront thee… How you will meet these temptations will greatly affect your career. When you are on the road with only your animal it is a strange and often frightening sensation. Often our perspectives and our values are temporarily forgotten and we become like children, longing for the safety and love of our own. What we find as a substitute has ended the career of many including thousands who were considered to have great potential in the art of selling. Furthermore, there will be no one to humor you or console you when you have sold no goods; no one except those who seek to separate you from your money pouch.”

This truth is critical to understand, as it reveals the third level of enlightenment about pain – perseverance through temptation, or differently termed, discipline. I am hesitant to use the term “discipline” here as it often connotates simply “not doing” the wrong thing “just because,” when in reality discipline can mean much more than that. To me, discipline involves understanding, wisdom – and sure, simple self-denial as well.

The key, however, is faith.

When we find ourselves in pain, in those difficult moments where we feel alone or threatened, temptations come to sell themselves to our inner hurting selves which act like children. Substitutions flaunt themselves before us – false promises like pornography for the lonely, theft for the poor, despair for the downtrodden, and cynicism for the betrayed. The question then becomes not one of understanding or even acceptance, but instead one of immediate willpower. When in emotional turmoil, what will we become? Will we cast aside our beliefs and our intentions? Or, will we remain disciplined to see out the painful challenge to the valuable end?

Matthew 4: 1-11

“Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. 2 After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. 3 The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”

4 Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

5 Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. 6 “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written:

“‘He will command his angels concerning you,

    and they will lift you up in their hands,

    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’”

7 Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

8 Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. 9 “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”

10 Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’”

11 Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.”


In this passage in Matthew, we see Christ’s meeting with temptation in the desert, a prime case study for how Perfection operates when confronted with temptation. Here, Christ has been without food for not one, not two, but forty days and forty nights. The hunger was immense. It is at Christ’s weakest point where Satan appears to tempt Him. Interestingly, Satan provides a justification for each of his temptations:

“If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”

“If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down. For it is written…”

“If you will bow down and worship me, all this I will give you.”

In each case, Satan provides a temptation (the command) with a justification attached. Note well that all of the justifications are, technically, somewhat true: Christ is the Son of God, and Satan was somehow possessive of earthly power which theoretically, he could give to Christ. Use of such tactic demonstrates Satan’s knowledge of a dangerous human tendency: humans buy emotionally, but justify rationally. Provided that Christ is emotionally motivated, Satan hopes to give Him just enough rationale to cause Him to stumble. However, these justifications all violate their greater contexts which Satan conveniently leaves off-screen. Christ, for His part, is not fooled. Instead, He negates each temptation with greater truth:

“It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

Here, Satan’s test is simple. “If you’re hungry, and you’re the Son of God, simply create some food.” Christ’s reply clues us in to His mission; after all, He is not merely in the desert on accident. He was led by the Spirit into the wilderness. This is worth thinking deeply about – the Spirit led Christ into the wilderness to be tempted. What lessons can we draw from this?

I will posit a few:

– God may draw us into the wilderness at times. It follows that this is beneficial to us, should we persevere through the temptation that waits there. In this sense, these experiences are valuable.

– God uses wilderness periods to teach us to rely upon Him. Note that Christ answers Satan saying, “Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God”. Here, Christ models what it means to live on every word that comes from the mouth of God by trusting this very truth. Sure, He’s hungry. But He knows that God has brought Him to this moment for a reason. He’s not going to destroy God’s purpose in His suffering by succumbing to His pain. By trusting God’s word, He perseveres through pain.

– As we know from other parts of the Bible, if you find yourself in a situation of temptation as a Christian, then God finds you worthy of the moment. In this, we can take solace that the way out is there, should we believe it.

– Finally, it should be noted that the Spirit likely led Christ to the desert in order to demonstrate how Christ’s faithfulness in the desert in contrasts with the Israelites’ own faithlessness in the desert. Here, Christ’s 40 days in the desert are meant to parallel the Israelites’ 40-year desert Exodus out of Egypt. Christ’s faithfulness prepared Him to be a light unto the world, ultimately accepting the ultimate pain to bring about the ultimate gifts for us – salvation and eternal life spent with God.

From these lessons, we draw an important takeaway – to survive temptation, you must 1) know the truth, and 2) believe the truth, even when shallow justifications tempt you to abandon it. Christ knows His Father is trustworthy – He does not adopt the lie that His mission is not worth completing for the sake of expediency. We also draw the takeaway that there is a higher truth above our bodily needs and cravings. Man must at times neglect his bodily pain (prompted by hunger) to satisfy the superior demand for spiritual hunger, quenched by the word of God.

At the end of the day, the biggest takeaway regarding pain and temptation is this – that pain and temptation are the gatekeepers that stand in the way of most of the truly great things in life. Things like marriage, raising kids, career achievement, and success of all kinds require perseverance through great pain. You can either persevere through it to the great things that lie beyond (often things that both exceed and differ from what we expected before the pain), or you can avoid it until it finds you – and puts you in a world of hurt.


Confront pain – do not hide.